Ladytimes

animalstalkinginallcaps:

DANFORTH, IS THAT A COBWEB? I WOULD BE APPALLED, NOT TO MENTION SHAMED TO MY VERY BONES, IF A COBWEB HAD INDEED FORMED UNDER MY ROOF. THE DISAPPOINTMENT I WOULD FEEL IN WHOEVER ALLOWED SUCH A THING TO TRANSPIRE WOULD BE IMMEASURABLE. I SIMPLY COULDN’T BEAR TO KEEP SUCH A DISAPPOINTING INDIVIDUAL IN MY EMPLOY, AS I’M SURE YOU UNDERSTAND.

MY EYES HAVE, UPON OCCASION, BEEN KNOWN TO PLAY TRICKS ON ME, OF COURSE. I AM NO LONGER YOUNG. IT’S ENTIRELY POSSIBLE THAT WHAT I PERCEIVE IS JUST A TRICK OF THE LIGHT AND TOO MUCH MERLOT, AND THAT TERMINATING YOU IMMEDIATELY AND ENSURING YOU NEVER WORK IN THIS TOWN AGAIN WOULD BE A MISTAKE.

I AM GOING TO CLOSE MY EYES AND COUNT TO TEN, DANFORTH.

WHEN I OPEN THEM I TRUST I WILL NO LONGER SEE WHAT I THINK I’M SEEING.

Have you ever watched 16 hours of Downton Abbey and then realized that you’ve been writing emails with the cadence of a post-WWI English countess and then you crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment?